The Boob Review 1


Webmasters Note: (Ha, I hate calling myself a webmaster, but oh well) Ashley and I have known each other for quite some time now, and we have talked about her being a part of OTH, but I didn’t have a role for her. I decided to lighten the mood up in this place from my usual ranting and raving and told her to create a feature where she reviews girl’s boobs online, but I didn’t expect her to accept, but she did and here is the first instalment! Enjoy!
– Matt

My friend Matt decided that he wanted me to be a little involved with his website. I was like, okay I can do that. I’m used to rambling on in blog (read: diary) entries. Maybe I could write something for this. So we’re talking, and he decides to give me the impossible task of rating other women; rating their boobs! I mean – I guess I kind of do this in my head all the time. Not from like an ‘oohh I’m attracted to women’ thing. More like …’gee I wish my boobs looked like that’ or…’you can’t tell me those are real!’ standpoint. Pssh. It’s cool. Women do it all the time – judging each other constantly.

This has been an experience. First off, searching for girls was interesting. I didn’t know where to start. I finally found a site called findhername, which is creepy in itself. Guys really do put a lot of effort into finding out as much as they can about women they know nothing about. Thank you, internet for breeding a new type of stalker. Anyway, once I found some girls I thought were pretty, I started a folder on my desktop labelled “bitches”. Totally uncouth, I know.

So alright… let’s try this. I worked for Victoria’s Secret for an entire 3 days, maybe I learned something while selling bras.

I want to start with Devin Brugman (@devin_brugman)
(…..I don’t even know how to do this. I’ve never tried to RATE boobs before. Awkward.)

Real or fake: Uhh.. Real. They look really real to me.
Size: 34F…I don’t know. They’re huge! Can huge just be a size?
Shape/Cleavage: I give her props for wearing a bikini like 24/7. For hardly having any support, they look good.
Overall rating: 8

OKAY. That wasn’t so bad.
What about…Lauren Hanley. (Twitter @LVhanley and her website Lauren Victoria Hanley)

Real or fake: Real.
Size: 34DD, I just have a feeling haha
Shape/Cleavage: Epic. She knows how to prop those things up.
Overall: 9

(Side note: this is really hard to judge based on boobs alone. The first thing I want to do is look at their face and decide how pretty they are, or how good their body looks.)

Moving on…

Jessica Jane Clement

Real or fake: Fake. I found her pictures from Playboy. (Followed by a Kristen Stewart butt shot in Twilight… so that kind of tells you where she stands)
Size: 34C
Shape/Cleavage: Ehhh average.
Overall: 4

Emily Shaw

Real or fake: SUPPOSEDLY they’re real. I find that hard to believe though.
Size: 32DD
Shape/Cleavage: They look awesome/fake because she has such a tiny frame. I think they’re really impressive though.
Overall: 7

Well, that was an experience! I could get used to this job 😉