Pros and Cons of Being Female

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CONS
1. All them feels. Emotions are a bitch for no fucking reason. Like, calm that shit down. So unnecessary, and yet we drown in them.

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2. PMS. That shit is mostly a lie by the way. We snap at you because you’re being stupid, not because we are hormonal. Cramps, however; not a lie.

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3. Boobs. You have to worry about having them. Or not having them. Or getting fake ones. Or wondering if people will think your fake ones are fake or if you can pull them off as being real.

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4. Hair. WHY CAN’T WE JUST WAKE UP LOOKING FABULOUS?!

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5. Make up – is expensive! And men, don’t even lie, if we didn’t look airbrushed you would find a reason to bitch. ‘Natural’ beauty..yeah, OKAY.

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6. Peeing sitting down. This is like one of THE MOST inconvenient things. You either have to squat, make a toilet paper seat cover, or hope to fucking god you don’t get herpes from that seat.

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7. Vaginas. The maintenance..is just ridiculous.

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8. Shaving. More maintenance. Guys can let their facial hair grow or not grow. Our legs though..those are expected to be smooth and stubble free always.

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10. Babies. We destroy our bodies to pass on men’s legacies. Fuck you guys. You had to do absolutely nothing, and most of the time that’s exactly what you do.

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PROS:
1. Boobs > Everything. They get us out of speeding tickets, we get served faster at bars than men do, and they’re just convenient in other ways as well.

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2. Looks > mostly everything. Seriously though. If we dress all cute and sexy, free drinks! Not to sound arrogant (BUT IT WILL)…I get what I want a lot. Why? Because I use what I have to my advantage. And why the hell not?

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3. Brains. Or lack thereof. I can act like a dumbass, but you’ll think it’s cute as long as you find me attractive. This means I’m going to pretend to be stupid A LOT. (And if I do act intelligent, your mind is fucking blown.)

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4. Sex = weapon. Self explanatory.

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5. Emotions. We are actually allowed to be emotional and express our feelings because that’s what is expected of us. We milk this for all it’s worth too.

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6. Babies. You didn’t pop anything outta your vagina; you don’t get 6 weeks of maternity leave. I get to be paid for spending time for the ball of fun I just created and have some kind of motherly bond and yadda yadda..children.

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7. Hoarding. We are literally expected to collect shit. Clothes, shoes, jewelry, whatever the hell else we can think of.

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8. “Weaker” sex. We can act helpless and people (men) will come running. This is a very effective technique, especially when we are secretly being lazy.

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9. Alcohol. “Girly” drinks are acceptable. And let’s face it, they’re good as FUCK.
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