Let’s Date! Or Not.


Summer will be here soon and for some reason I feel like I need to find someone to spend my time with. The more I think about this though, the more ridiculous it sounds. How do you even meet people anymore? Everyone gives me shit about liking online relationships – so here I am – shallowly browsing Tinder. Honestly, I think the best thing about this app is when you find people you know. You feel obligated to swipe right, just to see if they did the same to you, so you can awkwardly have a conversation about how equally embarrassing it is to find one another on a dating/hook up app. Whatever.

I just finished writing an article for OTH and I ended up coming across this model’s blog. Her last entry was about her really sad and tragic love story. Why do the good ones always have to be so fucking depressing? I might as well just quit now because I swear to God, if I ever end up in the ideal situation I will automatically know that ONE OF US is going to die. Nicholas Sparks, you’re an asshole.

But seriously – I have three cats – why do I even need someone? I don’t. The company is just nice, I think. (Oh – and having one person to sleep with is kinda cool, too.) I’ve been single for almost a year now and I do really well on my own, so why does it feel like I constantly NEED to be searching for someone? This is fucking stupid.

However, I actually miss having someone to just come over and hang out with and play video games and watch movies and just BE with. I like looking forward to text messages and smiling at stupid shit that normally wouldn’t matter but now it makes my day. I kind of miss having a relationship. How counterproductive. “I want someone to be with so I can just get restless and then break up with them because I need my independence”. I don’t have time for this shit……EXCEPT THAT I DO. Ugggggggggghhhhhhhh.

This whole dating thing is annoying. I feel like one of the hardest parts is finding someone you actually think is attractive. From there, you have to talk to them and try to get to know them (usually as fast as humanly fucking possible – JUST TO BE CLEAR! “Let’s play 21 questions, 15 times!”) Hang out with each other a few times – maybe even on dates, if you’re lucky. And then talk, talk, talk, talk, talk – talk some more.

That’s just the beginning. So you decide, okay, something could happen with this person. I’m into them. Now for the mental anguish!

NOW you have to mentally kill yourself over and over again and decide if you should sleep with them now or later. What did THAT text mean? Are they as into me as I am them? Is this serious or just a fling? It’s been three hours, what are they doing? They’re read receipts are on and they looked at my snapchat but they haven’t responded. Maybe they’re getting uninterested. What if I came on too strong. What if they never talk to me again. WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF..

Okay, so you get past the awkward self conscious phase and you two are definitely into each other. Things are going well, and you’re attached at the hip. You’ve never been more in love and this is the best year of your life. You can’t imagine things without this person. This has to be THE ONE.

Things start getting comfortable. You’ve moved in together and he stops doing the dishes and expects you to make his lunches before work every day. Why is this happening? I don’t have a ring. Everything is now about finances and “why aren’t we having sex everyday?” You don’t do this – you NEVER listen anymore. I want to hang out with my friends….god, why can’t I have my space? I just want to be my own person. Enough is enough, I’m done!

Confused yet? Me too. I literally just had an entire relationship with myself in a blog post.

…you know what, on second thought, I’m good with my 3 cats.